


you were just my inbetweener

by kendrasaunders



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fuck Buddies to Something More
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-12
Updated: 2016-02-12
Packaged: 2018-05-19 15:01:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5971227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kendrasaunders/pseuds/kendrasaunders
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>kendra needs an outlet. ray's more than willing. what starts as sex becomes tangled and messy, and ray might end up being a lot more to kendra than just an inbetweener.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you were just my inbetweener

She’s not going to pretend this isn’t a mistake. Kendra considers herself willfully and consistently honest, and sure, that doesn’t mean she’s not an idiot or a terrible decision maker, but it’s something.

The Waverider is larger on the inside than Kendra thinks it should be, but she also’s kind of tired of asking Rip questions that get overly complicated or half mumbled answers. And she’s also kind of tired of Rip in general, with that heavy pity he carries in his gaze. She’s just fine without it.

So here is what she knows: the Waverider, somehow, is large enough for everyone to have their own bunk. There are eight filled and one empty, and whenever she walks past the empty room, her chest gets tight.

But that’s only kind of what this is about.

Ray is settled somewhere by the garage, likely by his own volition. She hasn’t asked, and she doesn’t intend to. It’s practically on the other side of this damned enormous ship, since she sleeps near the kitchen. Not that anyone seems to cook, or come near her bunk. The two may be related.

She can’t worry about that right now. Quite frankly, she doesn’t even know if Ray’s awake, or if this is just a waste of her time. And honestly, the two aren’t mutually exclusive.

She knocks softly on the door.

What’s surprising is how quick he is to open up.

And-

He’s confused. “Oh.”

She replies smoothly with, “Sorry.”

He blinks. “No!” It’s maybe too quick, too apologetic. “I mean, no I- Sorry, I didn’t think it would be you.”

“Was I...” She sucks in a breath. “Supposed to be someone else?”

“No,” he repeats, with the same apology in his tone. “I uh- It’s kind of a scientist thing, to be up this late. Sometimes if Professor Stein has a late night theory, he’ll come over.”

“I see.”

“Yeah,” Ray says, slowly. “Does that sound as stupid as I think it does?”

She wishes she could grin at that. He’s cute. He really is. “Only a little.”

“So um.” He rubs the back of his neck. The anxious ticks he always picks up around her, the indicator that she’s only got one advantage, here. “Did you need something?”

She swallows. “Yeah.”

He waits for her to elaborate.

So she grabs him by the collar of his tee shirt, and crashes her mouth against his.

He accepts it without question. Yields against her body.

His hand finds the small of her back, and she suppresses a shout.

This is fine.

He pulls back, gasping. “You sure?”

“Are you?”

He keeps his hand there. Completely unaware. “I’ll do whatever you want.”

This suddenly seems entirely wrong. She hopes the awareness of that simple fact is enough to mean she’s not completely horrible. But who knows.

“Okay,” she says. Without prompting, she shoves him back into his bunk, and closes the door behind them.

 

 

“Would you like to stay?” he asks, far more hopeful than Kendra would like. He brushes her hair off her face.

The affection in his gaze settles like stones. “I don’t think- I um. I sleep better in my own bed.”

His face falls, just for an instant. Before he smiles again. Like he doesn’t want to guilt her. Because he’s just that good. “Sure. Okay. That’s- We can do this again, if you want. Whenever.”

Oh. Oh, boy. This may have definitely been a tiny major mistake. “Of course.”

He hands her his tee shirt. “Here.”

She puts it on, despite her better judgement. “Um. Thanks.”

“Do you want me to walk you back to your room?”

She shakes her head. “I’m good, thanks.”

“Okay.” He pushes himself up on his elbows, and pecks her on the lips. “Goodnight, Kendra.”

She pushes herself off the bed, before she gets any ideas. “Goodnight, Ray.”

She gathers her clothes. And she waits until she’s at least down the hall to sprint all the way back to her bedroom.

 

 

When she sleeps, she dreams of nothing at all.

 

 

It’s not the last time.

And she’s not really sure why she’d figured it wouldn’t be. Ray is... really good in bed.

Troublingly good.

Good enough that it makes her feel like a complete jerk. Bad sex is easy enough to write off.

But Ray delivers. Every. Damn. Time.

He stakes claim on her collarbone. Her neck. The lines of her stomach, the swell of her breasts. He does exactly what she wants him to.

Which is to fuck her, and then let her leave at the end.

She doesn’t really question her own motives. There’s no need to, when they’re spelled out in front of her.

This is technically easier than grieving. This is technically a misuse of Ray’s trust.This is technically some kind of experiment, only she’s the only one conducting it and the end result is that she’s probably the worst person in the world.

What is she trying to prove? That she can have sex with someone that isn’t Khufu-Carter? Check. That was over with the first time.

So why is she still coming back?

It’s not like she doesn’t know how damaging this is. How utterly wrong it is, to play on Ray’s good nature.

But she needs a support system. She needs someone that will hold her when she wants, and only then.

She could see it developing into something more. Probably. Someday.

So it’s not like she’s being completely unfair. This could absolutely get serious someday.

Or never. Never sounded good.

This needs to stop.

She knows it won’t.

 

 

It’s a Saturday morning when he finally comes to her bunk. She’s wearing the same tee shirt of his she always is, sleeping off the feeling of his face between her legs.

But his knock is as insistent as his gaze, and she figures she might as well open the door.

He’s taller when she’s not on top of him. Which is kind of an obvious thing to note, but she’s always struck by it. The way he takes up space without meaning to. 

He grins, and offers her a tray. “Here.”

She glances down. “You made me breakfast.” He’s made her, to be exact, a waffle. And it’s got chocolate chip eyes and a bacon smile. It’s the sweetest thing probably ever, and she’s 99% positive she doesn’t deserve it.

“Yeah,” he offers. “It’s what you do when someone. You know.”

Her eyes snap back up. “I. Um. Come in?”

He steps over the threshold, carrying her breakfast. “You’re not a vegan, right? I probably should’ve asked, but-”

“I’m not a vegan,” she replies. “This is. Really nice of you, Ray.”

He sets it down on her desk, as she takes a seat. There’s only one chair in the room, meaning he’ll have to sit on her bed. 

That’s fine. That’s totally cool. She motions for him to sit, and he hesitates.

“What if I got a chair from the kitchen?”

Where people can see him? It’s bad enough that he brought her breakfast. “It’s totally fine. Sit.”

He concedes.

“Did you, uh... make this?” Nice, Kendra. Really nice.

“Yes!” he replies, and then remembers to settle. “I mean. I think I’m an okay cook. No one’s ever complained but I’m usually the only one eating it so-” He glances at his knees.

This is fantastic. This is exactly what she needs in her life.

Honestly, that could be true. She’s really not sure what she needs right now, except maybe a Valium and a one way ticket into the next life. So.

“Well,” she offers. “I guess I’ll just have to find out.”

She cuts into her waffle like she’s taking out an appendix. And it would probably be easier if Ray wasn’t sitting at the edge of her bed, far too eager too please for his own damn good. 

But it’s tasty. It’s really tasty, crisp on the outside and fluffy in the middle. It’s a hard balance. He should be proud. “Wow.”

He tilts his head. “Wow what?”

“I can’t believe no one else has ever gotten the privilege of one of these waffles.”

His expression lights up the room. The way his hair falls just slightly in his eyes. How he grips his legs. “I mean. A couple of people have. But not for a while.”

She feels herself smiling, without fully intending to. “So I should feel lucky, then?”

“If you want to.”

“I think I do, then,” she says, taking a pointed bite. “Did you eat?”

“Not yet.”

She takes off half the bacon-smile, offering him the piece. “Come here.”

He leans forward, and before she can fully register what she’s done, his mouth is at her fingertips.

She pulls her hand back. Watches him chew. “Oh.”

He tugs himself back, coming to the same realization. He covers his mouth, like he’s done something wrong. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s-” She sucks in a breath. “We shouldn’t feel so weird around each other, you know?”

“Yeah,” he says. “I- I really like you, Kendra.”

Don’t say thank you don’t say thank you don’t- “Thank you.”

He doesn’t crumble, but she notes the hurt in his expression.

“I mean.” She puts down her fork. “Of course I like you, Ray. I just. I don’t know. It’s really hard. I still have dreams about him. A lot.”

“I know.”

She stares. “You know?”

“I mean.” He drums his fingers on his knee. “I know how you feel. I’m sorry.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” he says. He offers nothing else. “Would you- I could take you to a movie, or something. Sometime. If it would help get your mind off things.”

And now he’s asking her out.

Perfect.

“I-” She glances at breakfast, half-eaten. At Ray, half-certain. “Yes. Sometime.”

“Okay,” he says, grinning. “Okay, great. If we go back to the seventies, we could go see A New Hope-”

“I’d prefer not to go back to the seventies,” she says.

He looks so apologetic that guilt is the only appropriate response. “Right. Of course. I think- We could try for Back to the Future.”

“We could try,” she repeats.

“Not tonight,” he says. “Whenever you’re ready. If we’re still in the 80s.”

She picks at her food. “Thank you, Ray.”

He thinks she means for breakfast. “Anytime.”

She doesn’t correct him. 

 

 

It’s a feast or famine with the team, really. For weeks, they have only minor leads.

It changes in a day.

Her skills are no where near where they need to be. Not yet, and not when Savage keeps coming after her with all he’s got.

“Just stay down, and I’ll protect you,” Ray whispers, tucking her hair behind her ear. The details of how she wound up on this floor are fuzzy, even fuzzier still is when Ray arrived. She thinks she might be concussed. She can’t really tell. “Kendra- Kendra, stay awake. You’ve got to stay awake.”

She lazily blinks up at him. “Hey,” she offers.

He frowns. “I’ll get you to the med bay. Quickly as I can. You’ve just got to stay awake for me, okay?”

And if the idea of doing something for him bothers her, if it twists something in her stomach that feels like longing, she swallows it.

Thinking about that would be too hard right now.

“Found another man to die for you, Chay-ara?” It’s easy enough for her to ignore the intonation of Savage’s voice. The fact that he’s not really asking her a question, but making a statement. 

Something dark crosses Ray’s features. Something she’s never seen on him before.

It feels terribly familiar, in a way that aches.

“Ray,” she whispers, as his visor slides into place. “Don’t.”

“It’s okay,” he promises.

She’s heard that one before.

He rises to full height, leaving her semi-conscious in his shadow. She watches him tighten his shoulders. Curl and uncurl his fists.

She imagines a pair of wings between his shoulder blades, and reminds herself that Carter is dead.

“Look at you,” Savage says. “Quite the upgrade, Chay-ara. Much taller, this one. And he’s got better armor.”

“Don’t talk to her,” Ray snaps. And he can’t know that he doesn’t have the gusto for it, that this is so much bigger than he thinks. He’s trying so hard. And she doesn’t want to fault him for it.

But.

Savage lets out a barking laugh. “Have you fucked her?”

She feels herself flush without meaning to. There’s the embarrassment, hidden under the pain. Rising through her like bile.

Ray takes a step forward. “How dare you?”

“So noble!” Savage says, amused. “Always the noble ones, Chay-ara. Who are you trying to fool?”

“I said-” There is the sound of engines coming to life. The unearthly glow of blue and red light. She watches Ray unfold his arm before Savage, like his gun is worth any stock. “Don’t talk to her.”

Savage doesn’t falter. “She doesn’t love you, you know,” he says. “You’ll die for her, just like the other one. And she’ll find someone else to take your place.”

Ray shoots him into the wall.

Kendra thinks this might be the perfect time to pass out.

“Kendra?” Or not. “Kendra? Babe, baby, you can’t- You’re not well, you have to stay awake. Hey, look at me, he’s down, you’re gonna be okay-”

The only thing she can think to say, as sleep clouds her vision, is: “Baby?”

To which Ray responds, “I’m right here.”

 

 

She supposes it’s unfair to break up with him around twelve hours later.

She supposes, on top of that, it’s not really a break up. Because they’re not dating. She hasn’t taken him up on his movie offer. She wants to. She wants to more now than she did when he’d offered, and there’s something so perfectly messed up about that.

He’d patched her head wound, kissed her bandages. Smiled at her, and she’d tried to smile back.

But all she saw is a body. She wonders what he’d look like with Carter’s wound, with blood blooming from under his armor. She pictures it, crimson seeping into the circuits, the color draining from his cheeks and staining his lips.

She sees him. Noble. Brave. Kind.

Dead.

She can’t let that happen.

“Kendra,” he starts, and she remembers how he’d called her baby.

“I’m okay,” she promises, as she’s been saying for hours.

He brushes his thumb over her cheek. He’d put the bandages over her cuts himself, as gently as he possibly could.

“Let me walk you back to your room,” he says. “You should get some rest.”

He loops his arm around her shoulder. She returns the gesture by pressing her hands to his chest. “I can walk myself.”

He lets out something like a laugh. A nervous tick. An insecurity. “You’re still hurt, I just-”

“Ray.”

He meets her gaze. “Did I do something wrong?”

For a moment, she wishes she was the one that could shrink. “No.”

His tongue darts against his lower lip. She finds it distracting, and wishes she didn’t. “Is this about what Savage said? If he’s in your head, I get it-”

She shakes her head. “You don’t get it, Ray.” With no small effort, she guides herself off the gurney. “He’s not in my head. He’s in my... entire life.” She gestures. “He’s obsessed with me. That’s why this whole thing started. Did you know that?”

“No.” He says it softly. Like an apology.

“He’s fixated with Chay-ara. With me. That’s why he killed Khufu in our first life. Because he was fucking jealous.”

“But if that’s the case,” Ray protests. “Then you need someone to protect you from him.”

“The person that’s supposed to died, Ray!” She doesn’t mean to yell. But she does. And if he does get smaller, somehow, then she pretends it doesn’t bother her. It’s only his stature. It’s only a wound. “And he will kill you. In a heartbeat. And you don’t regenerate.”

“I’m not afraid of him.”

She frowns. “Then you’re an idiot.”

It bruises. “Kendra-”

“I-” She takes a step back. A step away. “I thought you would be. I needed someone, Ray. And I’m sorry. You don’t deserve this.”

“You think-” He swallows. “Is that why you think I protected you? Because we’ve had sex?”

She tugs a lock of her hair. “I-”

He moves forward. “I would protect you no matter what, Kendra. Even though you’re- I don’t know. Even though you want nothing to do with me right now. Even if you want nothing to do with me ever again. I will always protect you. I’ll protect anyone that needs me.”

“I need you to stay alive,” she says. “And you can’t do that if I’m in your-”

“Bed?” he offers.

She manages a cough. “I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”

He manages a small, tired frown. “Kendra-”

“I’m going to my bunk. Don’t follow me,” she says.

Despite the slump in his shoulders, he does as she says.

 

 

She lays awake for a while, bandaged to hell and back. She hasn’t showered yet, though she knows she really should.

“You shouldn’t do that to a person, you know.”

She shuts her eyes. The sense of longing she’s been swallowing bubbles up for just an instant, before she can shut it down. “Please go away.”

Carter.The ghost or memory of him, touches her arm. “We should talk.”

“Why?” Kendra says. And she hates this the most. The constant presence on the tip of her tongue, lurking behind her. “Am I not allowed to see other people?”

“Kendra.” His voice is less than a whisper. It doesn’t exist at all. “All I want is for you to be happy.”

That’s worse than the alternative. “So what? You think that he didn’t make me happy?”

“I know he did,” he says. “So why run?”

She feels a protest against her chest. “Because he’ll die.”

“He doesn’t have to.”

She opens her eyes. Slowly. Deliberately. Turns her head.

And he is there, really there, propped up on his side. “Kendra.”

“You died,” she says. “Because of me.”

“No,” Carter says. “I died because of Vandal Savage.”

“Because he wants to be with me,” Kendra says. “And he’ll cut down anyone in his way.”

“What?” Carter says. “Are you giving up? Are you just going to give into what he wants?”

She blinks back a day’s worth of tears. “Never.”

“Savage’s desires are not your fault,” Carter says. “They never have been, and they never will be.”

She reaches out to touch his chest, and feels nothing under her hand. “I know.”

“The only way to defeat Savage, Kendra- Truly defeat him, is for you to be everything you want to be.”

“And how am I supposed to be with Ray?” Kendra says. “When you’re still here?”

“I’ll always be here,” Carter says. “I look after you. But I can’t give you what you need. Not in this lifetime.”

“I miss you,” Kendra says.

Carter’s smile breaks her heart all over again. “I know.”

“Carter-” 

She knows he’s already gone.

She knows she shouldn’t waste time talking to ghosts.

 

 

That night, she sleeps in fits.

 

 

She feels like she’s the only person to use the kitchen. Minus Ray, minus the meals he’s made her. She’s not going to think about that, right now.

She just wants a couple of eggs. That’s not a crime.

So naturally, solely because she wants something so utterly simple, Rip is waitingfor her at the kitchen table.

He looks up from his paper, which she assumes is only there for effect. “You, my dear, are becoming quite the heartbreaker.” 

She stills in her tracks. “Nope. Not doing this.”

“Don’t-” Rip lets out a huff. “Don’t walk away! I’ve been waiting here for you for an hour, at least. You could at least hear me out.”

“First of all,” Kendra says, with an accusatory point. “I am not a heartbreaker.”

“Of course not,” Rip says. He gestures behind him, towards the rest of the ship. “Would you like me to go let Ray know, now that you’ve got that settled?”

She has the acute desire to put her thumb through Rip’s eye. She settles for pinching the bridge of her nose. “What do you want?”

“Sit?”

She stares at the table. “Do I have a choice.”

“I mean, you always have a choice,” Rip says. “It’s about making the right ones.”

Kendra falls into her seat. “Nice. Got any other pearls of wisdom?”

Rip settles across from her. “Oh. Lots. But I assume you’ll just mock me.” 

A shrug. “Probably.”

He’s developing an eye twitch, though Kendra’s almost positive it’s not her fault. “Listen. I’m not here to- Guilt you, or whatever. You are an adult woman, you make your own decisions.”

“But,” Kendra adds.

“No buts!” Rip protests. “I am trying to keep my team together. I’m more interested in how you’re doing, Kendra. I’m not here to tell you to get back together with Ray.”

She knits her fingers together. “How long did you know?”

“Immediately,” Rip says. “Gideon is an enormous gossip.”

Well. That’s embarrassing. “I’m-” She runs a hand through her hair. “Not great.”

“Do tell.”

She slouches forward, elbows sliding on linoleum. “Well, I talked to Carter.”

Rip blinks. “Carter is dead.”

She stretches her fingers. “Yeah.”

“And you... spoke to him.”

A nod.

“And you weren’t just... hallucinating? I know you’re concussed, maybe we should get you back to the med bay-”

“It’s happened before,” she says. “When I’m not... hurt. He talks to me.”

“Oh,” Rip says. “Often?”

“On and off,” Kendra says. “When he thinks I need guidance.”

“You talk about him like he’s sentient,” Rip notes. “Is he... a ghost of some sort? Is this ship haunted? Oh, Gideon’s going to love that-”

“I don’t know,” Kendra says. “I think it’s just that he’s tethered to me. I must have a piece of his soul on me at all times, or something.”

“That makes this whole mess a little more understandable, then,” Rip says. “It’s probably quite difficult to see one man when you’ve got another one-”

“No,” Kendra says. “Carter thinks we should be together.”

Silence. A stare, wide-eyed and growing increasingly concerned.

Kendra shifts her gaze to her nail-bits. “He thinks Ray makes me happy, is why.”

“Ah,” Rip says. “Does he?”

“He does when I’m not worrying whether or not he’s going to get murdered,” Kendra says.

“You could say that about anyone on this team,” Rip says.

She knows he’s being obtuse. “I can’t- I wasn’t supposed to keep doing this, you know. It was a one time thing, and then I kept coming back, and I care about him to lose him-”

“He’s lost someone too, you know,” Rip says. 

She pauses. “What?”

Rip almost frowns. “He’s lost someone, too.”

“I didn’t know.”

“Did you ask?”

She chews the lining of her cheek. “No.”

“Maybe you should,” Rip says. “We can’t- We’ve got to stick together, you know.”

“As a team?” she asks.

“As widows and widowers,” he replies.

She lets it sink beneath the surface of her skin. “I’ll talk to him.”

 

 

It’s not immediate. She doesn’t go straight for his bunk and bang on the door.

Above all else, she considers herself rather stubborn. And she likes Ray, she does. But just because two other men think they should be together doesn’t necessarily mean they should. She’s never let anyone else decide these things for her. Why start now?

She does it for Ray. And for no one else.

She does it because even if she decides to walk away, he deserves to tell her his side of the story.

And she does it because he opens his door with the same immediacy as the first time. But instead of confusion, she’s met with relief. A smile. “Kendra. Hi.”

She fidgets, as always. “Rip and I talked about you.”

He balks. “You did?”

She meets his gaze. “He told me about-” 

“You don’t have to come back if you pity me,” he says, maybe too quickly. He seems instantly regretful. “I mean-”

“I don’t pity you,” Kendra says. “I don’t even know who it is.”

“Oh.”

“I’m here because-” She rocks on her heels. “Could you tell me about them, maybe?”

“Do you want me to?” he asks. Cautious.

“Yes. Do you want to tell me?”

“I do.” He moves out of the doorway. Motions for her to come into his room.

“Ray?” 

“Hm?” 

She notes that his eyes are on her body, with the sort of casual air of someone who will never tire. “Do you mind if I stay overnight?”

He’s steady. “Not at all.”


End file.
